Every now and then, I like to write prose. Usually I don’t share it on the internet, but as with this one, I entered this into a competition, and it came second. I rather liked it, so I thought I’d share it with you good people. It’s called ‘Unrequited Love’, and is supposed to capture the mental state of someone in that situation. Enjoy.
The road I walk is lonely; there is no-one beside me, not a soul to lead me along this treacherous path. It is lonely, but not untraveled. The broken, scattered remnants of the others on this road to self-destruction surround me, resonate with me, and understand me. But they can’t rescue me. Are they really there? Or am I clutching at straws?
The space I occupy is desolate; cold as the grave to which I am drawn, empty as my jaded soul. It is desolate, but not lonesome. I feel the presence of the others, though I am disconnected, unable to decode them. Are they aiding me? Are they deceiving me? Or could they be mocking me, having themselves been stripped of empathy? I fear the latter; I fear the latter is my ultimate destination. I fear it is unavoidable.
I sit here, across the room from you. You are close, but you are out of reach. I see you, but you are obscured. You look happy; you seem content. But are you? I see you, but I cannot read you.
Our eyes meet, and I smile. You smile back. You smile back! But what does it mean? Is it forced, or is it real? I see you, and I see everything; nothing else matters, I am blinded to the outside world. But do you see me? What do you see? What are you thinking?
I sit here, teetering on the edge. I feel myself slipping, but how do I save myself? Can I save myself? No. Only you can save me. But will you? Am I worth saving? What are you thinking?
What’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Where did I go wrong? I feel myself slipping further. I cannot save myself… Only you can save me, but you won’t. My grip loosens, and I fall.
This fall never ends. I feel as though I am breaking through solid ground as I descend; it hurts, but it never stops. I am sorry… But is that enough? Will that repair the damage already inflicted?
I land on my feet. Another chance? I lost a part of myself on the way down. At least, I think I did… I must have; I still see you, but something is missing. You’re not smiling. Why are you not smiling? Have I hurt you that badly? Or are you even hurt at all? Am I just broken, unable to see your happiness as I once did?
I am afraid. I feel lost, alone and confused. I’m losing grip on my own mind, and only you can save me. But you won’t. Where did I go wrong? What did I do to hurt you? Do you know I need saving? Can you see that I’m broken?
I know you won’t save me, but I can’t let you go. I won’t let you go. I pull myself to my feet, and walk by your side. I see you, and I still see everything; but I must look past you, and see yet more. If you won’t save me, then I must save myself. Will you follow me?
The road I walk is lonely, the space I occupy is desolate, but I must remain strong. I see you all around, and I cannot ignore you. I will not ignore you. But I must press on, lest I fall again and lose myself completely. I see you, and I still see everything; but I look past you, and I see a horizon. I must go there now, as the others before me have done. Will you follow me?